Dear Sir

Dear Sir,

One hundred and ten percent

I’ll go to the ends of the earth

Step up to the plate, kick arse and the such

I’ll show you just what I am worth


Sir Al, I’m a passionate sort

And business is all, in my game

There’s an opposite word for success

I can’t spell it – won’t give it a name


It’s not in my vocab you see

I’m the best you can get, always win

If winning in business is bad

Then Alan, I’m signed up to sin.


Now then, what do you want me to do?

Sell some fish, or wash pants, or make cards

No matter how silly the task

I’ll willingly go the nine yards


(Red lipstick might help, or a quirky outfit

Or a vacuous portion of business bullshit

Or some lies on my CV, some underhand games

Damn with faint praise, but never name names)


I’ll be happy with life if I win

I know that you’ll see me alright

I’ll e earning a fat wad of notes

I won’t mind if you treat me like shite


Life is short, life is hard, life goes fast

We must make of it all that we can

So what better way to feel fulfilled

Than working for you, Sir Alan

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